Arianne. 24 Years Old, Filipina, currently earning a living somewhere in the middle east.
20 things I learned at 20
1. You can have only one best friend and that best friend can only be you. Because you may come across a dozen lovely people but the only one who can keep the ‘forever’ promise is you.
2. Family is the most important. This is the only love that is truly unconditional and absolutely pure. They love you when you’re 5 and when you’re 18. They love you in your failure and your success. Their love doesn’t increase because it’s already at its maximum right from the beginning, it’s already infinite.
3. Cocktails and aerated drinks may soothe your taste buds but tea soothes your entire body. It’s warm and calming and well, healthy.
4. Your first kiss means nothing if it’s not with the right person. And the right person doesn’t mean your soulmate or someone who will never break your heart but someone who in that moment loves you as much as you love them.
5. You’ve written over 350 exams and you’ve got a perfect score in some and scored miserably in others but do you remember your 9th grade math score? Do you even remember 9th grade math? Education is so important but not the stress and competitive grading that comes along with it. If you get a low score or even fail, not much will happen – you will get a retest. But if you get ill – mentally or physically, it will have undesired long term effects.
6. In 8th grade your school psychologist told you that you’re one of the few people who walk in life with open arms loving and helping everyone, not because you haven’t bled but because you know you will heal and have the strength to do so. At that point you laughed at her but now, years later you’re loving, accepting and helping in spite of having both, actual and metaphorical scars.
You’re kind and admitting that doesn’t make you conceited.
7. Goodbyes don’t always have to be dramatic. Writing an 800 words message won’t make it hurt any less than an 8 words one. Closure usually has not much to do with the ones who wronged you but with taking your time in dealing with all the stages of grief. Some stage like anger may take only a month but acceptance may take years and that’s okay.
8. Jealousy is a basic human trait. They can be the closest to you and yet envy your happiness and life. Envy is something you too experience and you can be happy for them and be sad for yourself at the same time because so bitter it is to view happiness from someone else’s eyes. You aren’t a horrible human being if you feel like there are better shades of green your grass could be.
9. Read at your own desire and pace.
You don’t have to read particular books to qualify as a bibliophile or read a specific number of books to be a bookworm either. Read what truly interests you and take your time because reading was never a task, don’t make it one now.
10. Money is important. Money can’t buy love but it can buy happiness. But not blood money. Money honestly earned through hard work. That kind of money is good, that kind of money is required. You have a certain standard of living and if you want to maintain that after your parents stop financing you, you must make sure to earn the same. It doesn’t make you a snob or a spoiled brat, it only makes you a human aware of your wants, many of which have turned into needs by now.
11. There are somethings you just never grow out of like bubbles and glitter and your mother’s hot chocolate and hugs. Those are the kind of things that make life bearable when adulting gets too hard. Those are the little things that matter the most.
12. You cry. A lot.
But you don’t cry in front of people for their pity. You don’t cry to manipulate situations. You cry because you accept the pain. You cry because you don’t reject or lock away your emotions. You cry because your mental, emotional and physical self are in sync and that’s healthy. That’s so lovely.
13. Bake cakes. They don’t have to look pretty as long as they taste delicious. Paint canvases. They don’t have to be a master piece as long as all the paint in your hands and face and jeans makes you feel complete. Write more. It doesn’t have to a novel or even be posted online as long as it lets you breathe a little lighter and smile wider.
14. Go for walks alone, sit on the beach without your headphones, look up at the sky without a lover, buy flowers for yourself. Nature is legit free (for the most part). And it’s the richest thing that the world has. Le it bring you peace, let it help you survive.
15. Make home feel home. Sometimes you won’t have your family to make it home. Sometimes you will have to make it home by putting a part of yourself and that means investing the time, energy and money in making it feel yours, in making it feel right. It may not be your ‘dream house’, it may just be a tiny room but it’s yours. Your surroundings play a major role in affecting your mood and vibe.
16. Energy is real.
You may not know much about Science beyond 10th grade but you do know this, e=mc ² which means everything is energy, you are energy and there is positive and negative energy and you can feel it and you experience it in every person you meet, every place you visit, every room you step inside. You can and you must choose to surround yourself with positive energy. What you attract, you do get; what you attract you become.
17. Spend time with yourself. It’s some of the best time you will have. You need to unwind, you need it to re-energize, you need it to focus and you need it for peace. You can go to a cafe by yourself, write, read, meditate, talk to yourself out loud, dance in your underwear, cook and just be.
18. Take care of yourself- no one else can, no one else will. Drink loads of water, there’s a reason why more than half your body is made up of water. Sleep well because staying up all night isn’t something to be proud of, it’s stupid. Don’t skip breakfast because skipping breakfast makes you crave fatty foods for the rest of the day. Stay healthy not because you want to look a certain way but because you want to feel strong and energetic and have an active mind, body and heart. Staying healthy emotionally and mentally is just as important. So let those who want to go, go and never say yes to something your gut wants to scream ‘NO’ to.
19. Love yourself. If you don’t love yourself you will look for other people to love you. If you don’t accept yourself, you will keep seeking other people’s validation and the moment they withdraw it or walk away, you will crumble. And you don’t want to crumble. You want to enjoy the one person’s company you have to live with forever – yourself. Work on being a person you’d love to spend your life with because let’s face it, you don’t have a choice. It’s a long term investment and the only one that will never fail you.
20. In Shakespeare’s words, “To thine own self be true”. In order to love yourself, knowing yourself is very important. And knowing yourself doesn’t mean the adjectives that people use for you or what your zodiac sign says about you. It means what you know in your heart to be your truth.
One more for good luck?
21. You laughed and thought it was very witty when you came across the quote, ‘Don’t take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.’
but god. Can it be any truer? Most things you’re stressing over now won’t even matter 3 years from now. But good days will turn into heart-warming memories that will stay with you even 2 decades later.
Happiness and success are two different things but remember, they aren’t mutually exclusive. At least they don’t have to be.
(Source: wnq-writers, via wnq-writers)
The pilot was finally announcing our arrival at 6 in the morning with foggy zero degree weather on the first day of February. Wearing a jacket and an abaya with scarf, I slowly move down the plane together with my fellow passengers. I’m a bit nervous and the freezing atmosphere worsens it. As I took the last step in the staircase and ease my feet on the ground, i whispered to myself, “Finally, I am here!”. Everything felt very different since then.
On that day, I was thinking quite a lot of things like, “Did I made the right decision to come here?”, “Can I able to survive in this place in a span of 2 years?”, and even the thought of going back to the Philippines as soon as possible also lingers me. Funny but the so-called “homesickness” was getting real.
It was my first time to venture abroad and being miles away from my family has been a struggle for me. Moreover, the place of my destination is far different from the one that I used to lived in. Be it in terms of geographical aspect, climate, the kind of people and their language, and most especially the customs and traditions they are having seems to be very new to me. Hence, I was experiencing “culture shock” as they say.
The first three months were tough since it was the adjustment period. There were times I cried at night just because I miss my family back home. Even my body system was feeling all new to the environment. I experienced light nosebleeds, and the back of my hands went on severe cracking of skin that led to painful lesions. From work, i usually arrived in our accommodation feeling weary and tired yet I still have chores to do like cooking my own food (or else I will have nothing to eat), do the laundry and iron my uniforms. When I was sick I’ve got no one to ask to take care of me but only myself.Times like these when I realized how important it is to have a mother by your side (I miss you nanay! 😔). I am always giddy every time my family and I make video or phone calls but whenever I hear the voice of my mom and dad, a part of me wanted to cry (Oh the struggle of hiding that feeling is worst!). It become also hard for me to hurdle my everyday life in the workplace, from the moody doctors to toxic patients and their relatives and even bipolar untrusted co-workers (urgh! I don’t want anymore to elaborate, leave it all to my Twitter account! LOL)
I was also able to celebrate important occasions like my birthday, Christmas, and New year 5,000 miles away from the Philippines and my family. Now I certainly know what it feels like to be an Overseas Filipino Worker. Few of the things I learned from being as such were, how to spend money wisely, to become more independent in life and in decision making, and that it’s okay to become “suplada” sometimes Hahahaha! Despite of all the hardships and troubles, I am trying my best to become optimistic and hopeful that in the remaining months of my stay here everything will go smoothly by the grace of God. And Oh Happy 1 year to me!!! Congratulations to the introvert in me for overcoming all the challenges although it is pretty obvious that I am not socially compatible in a place like this. Daebak!!!! 1 more insane year to grapple! Fighting, Arianne fighting!!! ✌🏻💪🏼😊
Photograph
I have this love-hate affair with photographs. Love because of its ability to capture once in a lifetime moments or things that would make us laugh or become happy. And on the other hand, Hate because of its natural tendency to make us cry or become sad while reminiscing things/events especially if we know it would not happen again.
“Welcome back!”
- I am saying to myself after few months of being missing-in-action in the blogosphere. I have decided to take a break from the virtual/blog life and allow myself to breathe the air of the outside world for a long time. There are so many things that had happened during this span of time and let me state them as briefly as I can.
Last summer was indeed one of the best summers of my life. Although I spent it most of the time at home, I was able to enjoy it.
My long term relationship with someone has officially ended 3 months ago and I can now confidently say I have moved on. But man, I still believe in Forever! Haha
I started to love the art of Calligraphy and lettering as well as watercolor painting. It seems like the arsty side of me suddenly came out. Hehe! It’s my new hobby and I just love its “Stress-reliever” effect on me. You can check out my works on Instagram by searching for the hashtag #APcreates.
There’s an article I’ve written which was published at the official website of Candy Magazine. I wrote this for my sister Dayan who passed away last December. It melts my heart seeing the shares and likes it gets as well as the comments of people tagging their siblings. I am happy that through this my sister became an inspiration to many. Read it here.
And finally, my career as a Nurse is back (after almost a year)! I am again working as specialized staff nurse trainee at WVSUMC. I was assigned in Perinatal Complex which composed of OB-Gyne Emergency Room and Labor & Delivery Room. I just started last week so I’m still in the adjustment period.
I am planning to make this blog more personal and become a day to day diary in one way or another. By the way, I miss everyone here as much as I miss blogging! I hope you guys are all doing well! xx -AP
i. Believe me when I say I have moved on, I already did. I am beyond happy, and also, I am thankful. Thank you for the constant heart breaks you have given me. It made me stronger. It made me who I am today – a brighter and better version of myself.
ii. Life has been tough for me but I had to prove myself and tell the world that I am tougher than my problems. Everything had passed and I have learned to let things go. I may have lost people but I learned that not everyone I lose is my loss.
iii. Letting go is easy. It is a step by step process and that’s what makes it hard – the road that you must go through before seeing the beautiful sky. Things may hurt at the start, but as I go on, I knew that this was going to be worth it. I learned to organize the things that were worth it and the things that weren’t.
iv. Despite my “long gone and moved on” mantra, I can’t help but to think about our what-ifs or our could’ve-beens. I won’t lie – sometimes, I really miss you. Whenever I do, I recall everything so that I won’t miss you anymore because you’re not worth any feeling of mine. Not even my anger.
v. We still are young. We will still mature and someday, we’re going to laugh about all these. I won’t lose hope that one day in the future, I’m gonna run onto you and embrace you. I won’t tell any word; just us and our heartbeats.
vi. But if the world wants us to meet unexpectedly, I am ready. I am ready to see you but I don’t want to, yet. Not now. I can feel that it’ll all come back and I have to repeat the process again. The wound is still fresh and it is still healing. It will always take time. I hope you do understand.
vii. Life is a continuous process. We’re going to fall but we’re going to stand up. We will always learn something new in every single day we have in our lives. I hope you’re happy because honestly, I am. Without my heart getting broken, I won’t appreciate what it’s like to be happy, to be contented on what I have in my hands and appreciate little things in life. I am indeed grateful. Thank you so, so, so much.
Set Me Free
I regretted the day that I met you. I wished I had never met you even.
I’m so fed up to the point my frustrations can no longer be hidden.
Downbeat thoughts in my head.
Butterflies in my tummy were dead.
I am not anymore happy with what’s going on between us.
I don’t know but I don’t like this fuss.
Things I can no longer mend.
I just want to put this to an end.
You must learn to live without me.
Let alone be merry.
Distance yourself, never come back, and please set me free!
I Miss The Feeling
I miss the feeling of being broken hearted.
I miss the feeling of being cheated.
I miss the feeling of being taken for granted.
I miss the feeling of being lied to.
I miss the feeling of being replaced.
I miss the feeling of being stabbed.
I miss the feeling of being hated.
Do I really miss the feeling or am I feeling it?
A Letter to My 16 Year Old Self
Dear 16 year old Arianne Pearl,
The skinny dark high school girl with awkward smile. How are you darling? You know I’ve missed you quite a lot. I’ve missed being YOU! Those happy-go-lucky days you used to have and when life seems to be less complicated (but more dramatic). Back when the only reasons why you cried were the bullies you get from your classmates, frustrations brought about by your crush you thought you have loved but doesn’t love you back, when all you worry about is that you can’t be able to make it to the honor list, and dilemmas like what course you should take for college. Despite all of that, I’m glad you had enjoyed your last year in high school.
Things now are far different from before. Those heartaches and frustrations you had were shallow compared to that of the present time. I tell you, life becomes more complicated (but more and more dramatic) as you grow older. You thought Nursing is the course to be because it’s “in demand”?Naaah! Your 23 year-old self is now struggling to land a stable job. Let me say “Hi!” to your best friends and “groupies”! Where are they now? I have lost in touch to almost all of them and it makes me sad that now they have turned out to be just “friends” (no more “best”). And girl guess what, it is so surprising for me to have a recent bitter sweet love affair with the guy you have never imagined to be called your “other half”. (duh haha!) Another thing, please make every second count when you are with your sister Dayan. She has gone to heaven for good by now. I hope you knew it ahead of time so that you can prepare yourself to endure the most painful pain of all pains. 2014 was so far the most hardest year for your family. (But glad you had survived!)
I am depressed most of the time now and my insecurities are slowly eating me up! If you love to daydream back then, well now I usually tend to over think things. I am your future self but I worry that I might not be living the life you have dreamed of. If only time machines were real then I’d definitely go back to the 16 year-old you. Now I am left with no choice but to keep going. There’s more to life anyway!
Just a piece of advice, enjoy your teenage life while you still can and please don’t be such in a hurry to grow up!
Love,
Your 23 year-old self
#IGoPlaces: La Puerta al Paraiso Resort (Nueva Valencia, Guimaras) Part 3
I really have a lot of stories to tell and pictures to share that’s why I divided my La Puerta travel diaries in 3 parts. I promise this is the last! Hahaha!
Day 2 in Paradise
We decided to woke up early the next day so that we could have more time to explore the place before sunrise. It was low tide at around 6-7 in the morning and it was a perfect time for strolling around the beach.
Meet the real Patrick the Star! lol There were a lot of star fish in the area, from small, medium, to large.
The low tide made it possible for us to go to the mini island across the resort.
Self timer shots be like!
Mr. Sun is up and the view got even better.
The place is more likely a combination of Palawan and HundredIslands in Pangasinan. So breathtaking!
This is the view on the other side of the resort where there is also a mini white sand beach.
We head back to the restaurant to take our brunch. We ate eggs,corned beef, longanisa, paired with garlic rice and chicken lomi soup. They also gave us free drink of our choice(coffee or hot choco). We felt so full enough to get ready for our next adventure which is island hopping! Yay!!!
Our island hopping was scheduled at around 11 am just in time for the high tide. We rode a pump boat with two of the resort staff with us.
We went to a sand bar connecting the two neighboring mini islands just 15-minutes boat ride away from La Puerta. The place was very beautiful and pleasing. The ombre shoreline with crystal clear water was very conducive for swimming! We lasted there for almost 2 hours. We didn’t even notice the time not until manong bangkero told us that it’s already time to head back to La Puerta.
Selfie while in the water because, why not? hehe!
Yao and Bi looking so sexy under the heat of the sun and obviously enjoying the sand bar experience!
Just another artsy sun glasses shot. Find me!
Before leaving the place, we had series of attempts to perfect a jump shot. Thanks to manong bangkero for his patience and for granting our request to take the shot! Haha!
We arrived back at the resort at around 1 pm already. We took a bath and fix our things and went back home to Iloilo past 2 in the afternoon.
We definitely had so much fun! We left La Puerta with tanned skin and sunburned faces but our hearts were happy and our souls were satisfied. We will be going back again next time for sure!
(For the resort amenities and directions on how to go to La Puerta, read the part 1 of this post here.)
#IGoPlaces: La Puerta al Paraizo Resort (Nueva Valencia, Guimaras) Part 2
If you wish to go somewhere peaceful and serene, where you can breath fresh air and be able to reconnect with nature at its finest, La Puerta al Paraizo is the place to be! I personally chose La Puerta because of its beaming beauty and distinct features. The place is very secluded, no wifi and mobile phones can hardly catch signals makes it more perfect to have a “me time”. The resort is well recommended for people like me who hates crowded, noisy and polluted places! It totally feeds my nature lover self.
I went there with my college besties (Coco, Bi, and Yao) who also felt the need to take a break from the stressful life brought about by their hectic work.
Day 1 in Paradise
We arrived at the resort at around 4:30 in the afternoon. A friendly and accommodating resort staff greeted us at the restaurant counter. After we had verified our reservation, the staff brought us to our room and explained to us some of the resort’s rules and regulations.
We reserved and paid for the most affordable fan room good for 4 (Php2,500) but we were surprised when the staff gave us this air-conditioned room, clean, well lit and with sliding doors. We felt very lucky that day! Haha! And by the way, the bathroom was also good with hot and cold shower.
This was exactly the view every time we opened the curtains of our room. Makes us all giddy to hit the white sand beach!
The Bakasyonistas! #BiYaoCoYanInLaPuerta
We didn’t waste our time. We immediately changed to our swimming outfits and head down to the beach. Just in time for the sunset!
We were the only guests in the resort that day so we had to shout, “We own the place!” Hahaha
The cliff where the rooms are located.
We enjoyed this golden magical hour taking selfies, jump shots and hair flips!
Our dinner was served at 7pm. We ordered Shrimp Sinigang, Beef with Mushroom, Chicken Pancit Canton and we had vanilla and chocolate ice cream for dessert. Our tummies were satisfied although the food was pricey. hehe!
We went back to our room after dinner and spent the rest of the night chitchatting until we fell asleep. We felt secured that night because there’s a 24-hour security guard roving around the area looking after for the safety of the guests.
(Part 3 of this post will be about our Day 2 in the island. You can read the part 1 for the resort amenities and tips & directions on how to go to La Puerta. Check it here.)